By Jen Clark
Who doesn’t “want it all?” Very few of us are willing to sacrifice a career for a relationship or vice versa. Yet navigating all the different aspects of our very busy lives can be a challenge. How in the world do we maintain a significant relationship while working on our careers, friendships, and hobbies? It often seems there’s not enough time in the day to truly have it all.
In The End of Men: And the Rise of Women, the book’s author, Hanna Rosin, explains that more and more young women are forgoing serious relationships in an effort to concentrate on their careers. They’re postponing committed couplings and, instead, engaging in more fleeting and less time consuming casual affairs.
Although the motivation is understandable, I’m not entirely convinced this choice is ultimately beneficial. At our deepest level, most of us long to connect with another in a way that is deep and meaningful. We want to share our lives with someone special and no-strings-attached sex simply can’t replace that desire. The truth is, it doesn’t have to be an either/or proposition. Contrary to popular thinking, you don’t have to forgo a relationship in order to have a stellar career or fantastic friendships. So if you, like me, readily admit that you do indeed “want it all,” here’s how to have it.
You Time
First off, no matter how busy you are, it’s critical to build some “You Time” into your schedule. What does “You Time” look like? However you want it to look! The important thing is that you take some time just for yourself to do something that you enjoy. It can be yoga, reading a book or knitting. It’s not what you do that counts, but that you do it consistently. Engaging in an activity that you love or find relaxing helps to keep you centered. By taking care of yourself, you are much more able to take care of others—be it your boyfriend or your boss. Always remember that the healthiest relationships—whether in love or in business—are formed by people who have a strong sense of self.
Compartmentalize
In addition, the ability to compartmentalize is also helpful to staying balanced. Work isn’t the place where you should be mentally planning your dream vacation for two. Likewise, a romantic dinner with your beloved isn’t the time to dissect everything that happened at the office that week. Focus on work when you’re at work and your loved one when you’re with them; learn to give them your undivided attention. By keeping the different aspects of your life separate, you’ll find that you are more successful at each of them.
Do Less, Get More
It’s a fact of life that we won’t have time for everything. It’s perfectly acceptable to take an inventory of all of your commitments and obligations and determine which are worthwhile and which are not. Let go of the unnecessary or unhealthy. That toxic girlfriend who sucks the energy right out of you? The volunteer committee that bores you to tears? It’s okay to start crossing things off. By doing a little less, we create more time for the things that add to our lives. That’s much better than being busy with the things that detract from it.
I’m also a big believer that a bit of administrative skills goes a long way. Personally, I’m a fan of to-do lists and organization. I’ve learned that feeling hectic and scattered is often the result of poor planning. Getting (and staying!) organized helps us to better see our commitments and obligations. It’s funny: Being intentional about how and where we spend our time seems to magically create more time, doesn’t it?
Learn to say No
Lastly, it’s important to be honest—with yourself and with others—about what you can and cannot do. Boundaries are a good thing and “no” isn’t necessarily a bad word. Only take on what you can successfully manage. If you need to work late, tell your partner and make sure to spend a little more quality time with him on the weekend. If a personal situation arises, be clear about your needs with your employer. People who know and are able to articulate what they want find it easier to accomplish it.
Yes, balancing your relationships, your work, and yourself may take some energy. However, a balanced life is a full, satisfying life. And attaining one is well worth the effort.
